YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I have so many feelings about this burrito
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
