He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
