Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
