Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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