there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
