oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
