Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
