Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
