she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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