I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
