yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
