You're so nebulous sometimes
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
