i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
organizing the empties. That sober.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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