Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
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Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
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Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.