Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.

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  (917): i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does. http://tfl.nu/fsmd
  Replies (18) Good night (4238) Bad night (554)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.

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  (915): You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there. http://tfl.nu/fu8g
  Replies (13) Good night (4360) Bad night (821)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.

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  (207): Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you. http://tfl.nu/tfuz
  Replies (5) Good night (5257) Bad night (916)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex

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  (314): For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex http://tfl.nu/vblx
  Replies (20) Good night (1265) Bad night (4527)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.

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  (815): It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing. http://tfl.nu/i0rl
  Replies (20) Good night (8362) Bad night (1072)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.

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  (613): You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best. http://tfl.nu/snhs
  Replies (5) Good night (2754) Bad night (1689)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"

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  (905): Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious" http://tfl.nu/f3vn
  Replies (4) Good night (2920) Bad night (750)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.

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  (917): Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep. http://tfl.nu/ccvs
  Replies (5) Good night (1371) Bad night (544)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.

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  (484): You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now. http://tfl.nu/l9he
  Replies (4) Good night (596) Bad night (943)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Omg sara

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty

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  (920): I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3 (906): Omg sara (920): I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty http://tfl.nu/fytc
  Replies (8) Good night (1601) Bad night (513)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.

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  (207): It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night. http://tfl.nu/zq29
  Replies (1) Good night (738) Bad night (282)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome

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  (803): Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome http://tfl.nu/ce0s
  Replies (5) Good night (714) Bad night (264)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.

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  (785): I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves. http://tfl.nu/0ncq
  Replies (1) Good night (452) Bad night (274)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies

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  (775): I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies http://tfl.nu/5tdh
  Replies (1) Good night (466) Bad night (506)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Your word choices worry me.

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  (520): Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants? (614): Your word choices worry me. http://tfl.nu/ader
  Replies (5) Good night (591) Bad night (335)

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