Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
