pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?