Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO