I puked a lego.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
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I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
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Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there