this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl