FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
