who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Someone shit on the floor
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
