If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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