Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
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And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
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Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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