The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
