Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
