I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
