I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
