singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
