So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
