just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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