Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We are two peas in an std pod
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
