If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Say something about gay babies.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
And then the night went full on bisexual.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
