I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
