It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
