I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
