I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
