I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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