I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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