Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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