hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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