So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
