You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
