WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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