It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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