guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
