Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
