He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
