U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
