I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
