Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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