how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
