Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
