i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
