I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
