i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
