So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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