boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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