What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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