why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
