TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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