Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
