I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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