What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Randomize
