The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
