I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize