I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
