So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
