roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
