end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
