What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize