I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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