Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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