He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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