i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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