im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
