I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
