I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
