So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
