We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
