Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
