Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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