i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
