It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
