Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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