If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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