it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
